11 Guaranteed Speed Dating Tips for Men
Gentlemen, finding an easy way to meet the beautiful women you desire to have a long-term relationship with can be challenging. It appears that all the good ones are either taken or have chosen vows of abstinence over promiscuity and being disrespected by the brethren who seek to drink the milk but not purchase the cow that produces it. Our very own practices, built upon over time, have become the petard we now hoist ourselves with. The situation can appear to be grim. Alas, there is still one last bastion of hope for those with a genuine heart who seek to find their elusive soulmate.
SPEED DATING!
Speed dating has become the last place genuine women with all the gorgeous attributes and range of personalities we hunger for gather in the dying hope of breaking the statistical barrier and finding true love… at the very least, someone they can enter a committed long-term relationship with.
Surprisingly, women are becoming less inclined to want to marry us and more inclined to return to us the uses and abuse we have dished out to them for so long. They know they can walk away from us at any time and replace us with a better model who makes more money, is better in bed, or drives our dream car out of his self-created internet empire sports car-laden garage. Ugh!
Speed dating is the last frontier for women who are frustrated by not being able to meet genuine men who seek a loving and committed relationship in their day-to-day lives and out and about in social settings. Let me be crystal clear here, men. When a woman says she wants a loving and committed relationship, that does not necessarily mean she wants marriage from you. In women’s language, that means they want the general guidelines that a marriage would provide with the fidelity and monogamy of both parties who equally invest the same amount of time, money and effort in building and maintaining the relationship but draw the line at actually wants us as a full-time, theirs for life, commitment. In short, their push for equality demanded the same right we forced upon them. One of those is the escape route without losing half of their assets and superannuation in a divorce in which only the lawyers benefit.
The majority of men prefer online dating for two reasons. We are visually aroused creatures, and to us, attractiveness is the first step towards wanting to get to know someone. The second reason is that all men fundamentally fear rejection and have an innate anxiety of the ego when it comes to approaching beautiful women. Online dating provides a buffer to any rejection experienced, as blowing someone off in the virtual world is easier to deal with when you haven’t met them in person than in real life.
Unfortunately, it is difficult to meet genuine quality women online. Why? Because genuine women compete with bots and fake images of Russian models posing as real women to lure in the single men who seek that aesthetic beauty at the cost of genuine companionship and a life spent with a loving wife who idolises them but is a 6, not a 10. They have the ability to see through our egos and lies and quickly discover that old chestnut, ‘all men are selfish, shallow, egocentric bastards at the end of the day!’. Ouch!
So how do we turn this around? How do we go about proving them wrong? How do we display our genuine desire for love and a long-term partner to share life with? Well, you have to go back to the drawing board, crawl out of our man caves and get back into the real world of face-to-face dating, but where the odds of finding the right woman are instantly increased and in our favour. If you haven’t yet worked it out, that medium is speed dating. So here are the top 10 things you can do to improve your chances of meeting the right woman for you at a speed dating event.
Speed Dating Tip #1
When you sit down to talk to a woman – look her directly in the eyes when you introduce yourself and offer her a genuine smile. You can then take a brief moment to get the overall picture and impression of her from her clothing, posture, and body language and comment on any statement pieces she might have worn to attract attention and give you something to focus on to break the ice.
Earrings, necklaces, and choice of colour in their outfit can quickly identify the bold, assertive, want-to-be-looked-at types who seek attention from those who dress with less colour or style and are shy and reserved, who would rather be curled up on the sofa, not under the scrutiny of hungry male eyes picturing them naked and in compromising positions. You know you did it! They know you did it too!
Speed Dating Tip #2
Refrain from filling in your mental and physical tick sheet that you forget you are there to meet women and learn as much as possible in the shortest time possible while simultaneously answering her questions. This can be tricky and takes time and practice to get down pat.
Speed Dating Tip #3
Don’t leap out of the chair the minute the bell rings. It gives the impression you didn’t enjoy talking to her and couldn’t get away fast enough! Even if that is the case, your mother taught you dignity and respect, so use those skills and how both parties the respect they deserve. Some men literally stop mid-sentence and leap out of one chair and into the next without finishing the sentence and closing out the conversation. Make eye contact, thank her for her time, and if you want to talk more, tell her you wish you had longer to learn more about her. Make sure you don’t linger, as it makes it awkward for the next person waiting to move into the chair. You can give your closing sentence as you stand up and prepare to move to the next table.
Speed Dating Tip #4
The tone of your voice and your body language matter. Slouching or crossed arms shows a defensive or disinterested mannerism. Talking in a monotone voice and offering monosyllabic words is disrespectful to the lady opposite you. She will pick up on your attitude problem instantly with that sixth sense they have. Even if the woman is your idea of ‘hide in the closet hideous’, someone will think she is their idea of a goddess. Beauty is subjective, and she might be looking at you and mentally deciding that strapping blood-filled chum bags to her ankles and swimming in shark and croc-infested waters would be more enjoyable than enduring a second of your company. She hid it better and chose to give you the level of respect she intended you to show her.
Speed Dating Tip #5
Body language matters. Mirroring the person’s body language can be a successful technique that builds rapport and a quick connection. However, most men lack the subtle ability to use it correctly. While it can be helpful to drop brick walls and emotional guards, it can be viewed by a perceptive woman as a form of manipulation and control, and you will receive the big red cross in the box for a follow-up meeting!
Speed Dating Tip #6
Your choice of outfit matters. What to wear at speed dating? Women spend hours in preparation before the event in an effort to impress and look their best. You get one chance to make a first impression, and you need that impression to be positive and to work in your favour. Think about the time of day the event is being held and the type of venue. Some are land-based, and others are conducted on yachts and boats or outdoors, where the weather conditions will dictate the most appropriate form of dress.
While a necktie is not necessary, a collared shirt with a button front and cargo or chino pants will give a dressy casual appearance that appeals to most women and suggests a level of self-respect and style. Regardless of labels and brands, you can work within your budget to achieve the same basic look as a GQ runway model. I have seen guys in cheap clothes wear it better and more confidently than guys dressed in Armani from head to toe.
Speed Dating Tip #7
Personal hygiene should be at the top of the list, in all honesty. If you sit down before a lady with your hair not having seen a comb or cut in years, wearing a scruffy beard and unkempt moustache, your teeth caked in plaque, yellow or rotting in your mouth, your breath smelling like the content of an ashtray, a brewery, or worse like you ate a turd sandwich before you arrived, and you reek of body odour, you are not getting a date period. Not only are you not getting a date, dude, you need some time on a psych sofa to get you back together and fit for meeting women, period! Show yourself some love and respect. That is where it all starts.
Speed Dating Tip #8
Don’t get caught up in what you should or should not say. Being worried you might say the wrong thing is a surefire way to guarantee you do say the wrong thing! If you are uncomfortable, you will make the women opposite you feel uncomfortable as they read energy and intent with a deftness man can only admire. Don’t worry about the destination of the conversation. Enjoy the conversation journey and progression. Women want a guy who can turn their hand to anything and conquer any situation presented to them. They do not appreciate the scowling, grunting, belching and farting version you like to let loose in the mancave. They expect that your presence at the event means you actively want to engage in conversation, and they do not appreciate your inability to talk to them! If you can make her genuinely laugh, you have won half the battle and placed yourself in a good position to get a tick in her box.
Speed Dating Tip #9
Women don’t want a guy with no external interests, hobbies, or life! If you don’t have any interests or hobbies, go out and get some! It gives you something to talk about and gives you a life and access to new sources to meet women with similar interests and hobbies.
Prepare different questions to ask for each woman. Do not ask the same questions; it is boring for you and annoying for them to keep getting asked the same questions by each guy. Work on some original content, icebreakers and jokes or trivia. Pick three questions from your list and place their name next to each question, so you remember what questions you asked of what woman. If the woman is asking you boring questions you are sick of hearing, make a direct point of saying you seek someone capable of engaging in original and bespoke conversation that sparks joy and their questions seem routine and done to death. Ask them if they know any interesting trivia or have a favourite quote and who it is from to get the ball rolling and then actively change the direction of the conversation heading it down a new road you can guide and take charge of.
Speed Dating Tip #10
Don’t make excuses for why you are speed dating or approach speed dating as lame and a joke. Everyone in the room is there for the same reason. Trying to brush off your vulnerability with some fake bravado and macho routine will instantly disqualify the potential date’s eyes. Women tend to maintain their initial impressions and decisions when it comes to speed dating. You dumping on the event and your reason for being there as lame says more about you than them. While you are there, never ask the woman why someone like her is single and needs to be speed-dating. Light, fun conversation works best as you only have a set number of minutes per date.
Speed Dating Tip #11
Create intrigue but steer clear of being vague and elusive. Stick to logical, fun and factual information and topics that are educational and something she might not have learned or encountered in life. Avoid emotional or personal topics on children, Exes, or past relationships that might raise a red flag and hit the alarm button on her defence system.
Ideally, the talk time is split equally as you both want to learn about each other while having the time to answer questions. Do NOT put the onus of carrying the conversation on to the woman. Not all women like to talk, gossip, or love the sound of their own voice, and don’t monopolise all the time talking about yourself and your endless list of achievements and awards since grade five when you were the teacher’s pet.
Avoid using patronising and condescending terms and phrases and language like, ‘good for you’, and fake sympathy like, ‘that must have been hard for you’, or empty flattery like, “that outfit colour and style really suits you when it clearly does them no favours at all. There is every chance the woman opposite you will instantly recognise the insincerity and lies, and she will hold it against you for the rest of your life, not just the time you spend opposite her.
Speed Dating Tip #12
I know the heading said eleven tips, but this last one is for free, and you can choose to take it or leave it as you see fit. Don’t confuse your ambitions with your capabilities! Women are quick to see through lies and BS and men are notorious for over exaggerating the truth.
The Speed Dating Process
Dating is in the process of undergoing a rapid shift in dynamics. The old gender roles and beliefs that a woman’s place is in the kitchen or the bedroom have expired and were cremated some decades ago. If your dream woman is a domestic goddess who never leaves the home but to take the kids to school and get the groceries, the chances of you finding that kind of woman in today’s society have about the same chances of women finding their perfect prince charming who ticks all their fantasy boxes. While it might happen for 0.000000000001% of the global speed dating participants, chances are the women you encounter at a speed dating event have been dragged through every warzone and fought every campaign of the heart there is to be fought. Especially if your event is catering to the above 45 age group. You are not dealing with naive virgins who don’t know how the game is played and who have not had your brethren to contend with.
There is every chance you are going to be sitting opposite a woman who has her own life, career, and business, possibly has been married and divorced, with kids she had to a husband who cheated on her with a woman half her age and screwed her over emotionally and financially. She might genuinely be so confident in herself and life that she intimidates the hell out of you and opens up all of your childhood traumas around rejection, abandonment, and vulnerability. She might earn more than you, have more assets or cash in the bank, and she might not be interested in a second trip down the aisle. Once bitten, twice shy! You might have found a woman who has her life in a position you can only dream of achieving. That simple realisation that she would be the alpha in your relationship has been known to kill dead thousands of what could have been perfectly suited, long-term partnerships. My advice here is that if you allow yourself to project your fears onto the woman of interest, and you make her guilty of awakening you to your inner weaknesses, then you don’t deserve the love, guidance, time, and energy of a woman who seeks someone with whom to share and grow together. Life is a complex undertaking with no simple answers or easy ways out. Relationships are designed to force each person to uncover their weaknesses and work on them so they grow and evolve to become a better, stronger, more empathic version. If you only seek relationships in which you have all the control and all the power, then you will never become the best man and version of yourself that you are capable of becoming. Sometimes, it takes a strong and intimidating woman to bring out the best in a man and to teach him that emotions are not something to fear but to be cherished.
Love can be a spurious and elusive concept for most in this day and age, something that is only kept alive in romance novels and romcoms. It might not be your destiny to find happy-ever-after, but it is your destiny to find happiness and to do that, you need to approach life, speed dating and women with a fresh mindset and a new focus.
Finding a healthy long-term relationship is different to finding the perfect ten. The former is achievable, the latter … Well, good luck to you, sir!