The Right Speed Dating Questions To Ask On Your Next Date

What Exactly Is Speed Dating And What Does It Involve

In 1998, Rabbi Yaacov Deyo and his students devised a new way for single people to meet each other – they called it “speed dating“. In the years since, speed dating has become the most popular form of dating in the modern age because it cuts to the chase and does away with the awkward, lengthy, gut-churning first dates we were once forced to endure in a bid to find love or a compatible partner to share with us the journey of life and its many adventures.

Speed dating can be good fun, but it also can have pitfalls for the naïve. Speed dating has a time limit that will differ between events. The hosts will dictate the time you spend with each person based on several factors but usually, how many participants are in the room divided by the time allotted for the event. Most are concluded within three hours. The more participants, the less time you spend with each person. Asking the right speed dating questions becomes important as you want to glean as much information in the shortest possible time while they do the same.

As a result, the range of speed dating questions you can ask on a speed date are a little more direct, forward and to the point than you would traditionally have asked in the past. That can make some people uncomfortable. It is one thing to ask if you had pets as a child, but if they ask you the pets’ names, you need to shut down the conversation and change topics as they might be fishing for personal information for all the wrong reasons!

Be on the lookout for any dating red flags of speed dating questions. Three or more red flags, and you would be unwise to proceed with further conversation as the person is clearly wrong for you and pursuing the situation could go wrong down the track.

As with any form of dating, learning how you project your true self to a potentially interested party but holding back the full extent of displaying all your technicolour flaws and facets in one hit is a skill that develops over time and with practice. After all, the idea of dating is to intrigue enough to whet the appetite to learn more on a second and subsequent dates while eliminating people who, for whatever reason, you get the wrong vibe from, give you red flag warnings or who lack the required click.

Always trust your gut instinct and feelings about a person when you speed date. Even if you can’t quite place why someone is giving you a certain negative feeling, trust that feeling might result from your subconscious picking up on their unconscious body language, blatant lies, and minute energy shifts and cues.

The first step in your speed dating experience is learning how to make a lasting impression by asking creative speed dating questions that cover a lot of ground and subjects quickly. That means you need to put together the right speed dating questions you wish to ask your date to gauge their interest in and knowledge of the subject or topics that interest you while being open to the reciprocal nature of information exchange. You are acting like a spy in that you are trying to learn as much about them in the shortest possible time without making them uncomfortable, all the while intriguing them to want to get to know you better where there is a connection.

How Do You Know What Speed Dating Questions To Ask And What You Should Never Ask On A Speed Date

No two people are the same, and the same speed dating questions can garner entirely different responses from people, and even the same person depending on how you ask the question, your tone of voice, your delivery style and technique. We have got some speed dating tips to help you be successful. Speed dating requires an intuitive mind that can read people and pick up on the subtle, unspoken and unconscious signs people project and receive.

Look at having 1 question per minute and then have a spare three speed dating questions up your sleeve. Print off this list and take it with you. It is perfectly acceptable to have one sheet for each candidate and make notes as you go to ask follow-up questions in the second half of the evening or on the second date if things head in that direction. Remember that information sharing is a two-way street, so the other person will want to get information from you in that same amount of time. For that reason, asking long, detailed questions is not a good idea unless you have zero interest in learning anything about the other person and want them to chew up the time. Also, be aware that they may be playing that game with you.

Lastly, speed dating is a game. You need to approach it with that mindset. While you might find the love of your life, chances are that you encounter a room full of people you have no interest in setting eyes on again by the end of the night. It might take multiple speed date experiences to get into the groove and make it start working for you, or you might find it all too intense and forward for your liking.

Not everyone has good motives or shares your boundaries in speed dating. While you should be honest with your answers, you also need to use caution as there is honesty, and there is naivety that can have unwanted consequences. Your boundaries might be at opposite ends to the person on the other side of the table, and you need to establish and maintain your own personal boundaries while respecting theirs.

Below are a number of speed dating questions from which you can pick and choose. Try not to ask the same questions of each speed date to keep things interesting for you both. You will know if you used a good question as the person you asked will then ask it of others, and by the end of the night, someone will be asking you that question, and you get the secret little moment of glee knowing your speed dating questions were on point and intriguing.

Safe Topics

Establish what kind of vocational area/s they are qualified in and what they do to pay the bills but refrain from asking directly, which can be confronting. The person might be a qualified rocket scientist but work as a landscape gardener because they hated the job they originally qualified to undertake. They might have been recently laid off through no fault of their own, be unemployed and searching for work, retired, or be in a line of work they are not comfortable discussing on a first date.

Gold Diggers, Himbos & Bimbos

Irony tends to be a great teacher. They are always out there, searching for their next sugar Daddy or sugar Mommy to pay their bills. You will encounter more than your share of vapid, brain-dead bimbos and himbos that make you question how long humanity has left before extinction. As a general rule of thumb, the more labels or status items a person presents, the more likely they will be faking it until they make it. Those with a solid financial footing tend not to advertise their fiscal position. Those who do not have a solid fiscal position or seek more tend to go all out on the projection and illusion front with smoke and mirrors.

Establishing what they are qualified to do in life opens the door for a natural flow of conversation, and the discovery of many talents that only asking them what they do for a living will never uncover. Play your own game and see if you can guess their vocation by establishing if they love, tolerate, or loathe their vocation of choice. What would they want to do if there were no limitations, and they could be anything they wanted to be with open questions like:

Why did you choose your current vocation?
What about the industry drew you to want to be a ……….?
If you could do any job and start when the sun rises, what would your dream job be?
How would you rewrite your job description to reflect what you do accurately?

Dig Deep Into Their Psyche Fast

Ask the right speed dating questions that will give you some insight into their true character. Often one good penetrating psychological question can open doors and peel off false masks that expose a hidden red flag without the person realising they have allowed you a glimpse into their true self, not the fake self they present as the real them. Ask about their parents and siblings and establish what kind of emotionally stable or volatile upbringing they experienced in their formative years. People close to the opposite sex parent are more likely to respect that gender and treat you well. People who do not have that bond with the opposite sex parent may present with adverse psychological or behavioural issues that transfer onto how they view and treat their potential partner and people in general.

Who was your favourite parent and why?
Are you close with the opposite gender parent?
Do you have siblings, and are you close?
Are you a child of divorce?
What caused the fracture in the family?
Which cartoon animation character would most closely describe their nature?
Do they watch Movies or TV shows, and what was the last series they binge-watched?
Which movie title best describes them?
What car best describes them and why?
Did they take family holidays and explore new locations, cities, or countries?
What is their favourite international destination visited, and do they have a photo album filled with them in their destinations?
Did they travel alone or with friends, and are they still friends with the people?

Discover Hidden Or Present Talents

Do they play any musical instruments?
Can they paint, sing, sculpt, and turn junk into a show-stopping masterpiece?
What would they say is their hidden talent?
What irrational fear scares them the most?
Do they like horror movies, and what about them do they like?
What were they voted most likely to be in high school by their peers?
If they could trade lives with another person anywhere on the history timeline for one month, who would that be and why?
How would they explain a microwave and electricity on demand if they were sent back in time?
What are their top three bucket list items before turning roughly a decade older than you suspect they are in rounded figures?

Uncover Their Favourite Things In Life

Who is their favourite artist/band/song/music genre?
What is their international dream destination to visit?
What adrenaline sport would they try if they had the chance?
Do they have a favourite song, one from each decade they have been alive?
Did they ever make their own radio playlist as a teenager?
What song would they put first on a playlist they believe summed you up?
Are they a reader, and what is their favourite novel read?
Do they write/ have artistic ability or like poetry?
What is their favourite place to repeatedly visit locally?
What is their go-to meal and drink?
Do they have a favourite season or time of the year, and why?
Do they know what a tesseract is, and how would they describe one to Leonardo Da Vinci if they went back in time?

If they can answer that question and you don’t understand dimensional time and space, get them to explain it to you using a piece of paper, a ball, and a Rubix cube. If you do understand dimensional time and space, you can explain it to them using the same props.

Hit The Unconventional Zone

Modern technology has a lot of problems, but it can also bring some quirky conversation starters and topics. Use your phone to kick off a conversation lull when the crickets chirp.

Ask them about their tech devices.
Why they bought the items they did?
Would they recommend them to others, or did they buy into the hype with regrets?
What is their favourite phone App or Game?
What App do they use the most even if they don’t like it?
What App would they like to invent?
If they could give themselves a nickname, what would it be?
What is the craziest or most spontaneous thing they have done successfully?
What would people be surprised to learn about them on their deathbed?
Do they have skeletons in their closet, and how many?
Can they dance, and what styles of dancing can they do?

Specific speed dating questions prevent stock standard answers and allow you to assess their integrity and interest in you better. Monosyllables and short answers mean you need to wrap things up and move on to the next candidate. Either the person is blatantly not interested in you or they are uncomfortable with your questions or their delivery.

Also, your speed date might feel the same in reverse, so don’t take things as a personal slight if they are not interested in you. Remember that rejection is protection on a cosmic level. Be grateful and roll with it. It might turn out that the person who blew you off has a conviction sheet longer than your leg or, heaven forbid, went on to assault or murder the speed date they did click with that could have been you! (It has happened more than once.)

Use each meeting as a learning tool to assess where you might have gone wrong and change your approach, or accept it was nothing you did or said; they just weren’t that into you. It happens, and that is the reality of life.

Quirky/Risqué Speed Dating Questions

Avoid intentionally sexually slanted questions and bawdy innuendo. There is a time and place for that conversation, and it is the third date, not the first.

What are their biggest turn-offs in life/ people/ habits?
What are their turn-ons in life/ people/ habits?
What are their personal deal breakers in life?
Are they religious, and which belief do they practice?
Do they have any anal retentive, OCD or ADHD tendencies?
What lights their fire and sparks their imagination?
Get them to describe their idea of the perfect date if someone was to give it to them.
Would they rather spend a year alone on an island or be trapped on a luxury coach full of tourists of various ages?
Where is their happy place?
What is their idea of Hell on Earth?
What side of the bed do they prefer, and what is their sleeping position?
Do they sleep naked or clothed?
Do they pee in the shower?
What is their idea of the perfect weekend breakfast in bed?
Do they have a favourite pick-up line or two?
What are their best pick-up lines?
Have they ever been arrested?
Do they have a criminal record, and what were they charged with?
Have they ever served time in a prison or a jail cell, and how long?
Do they have any addictions? (Sex, gambling, drugs, alcohol, gaming, pornography.)

Two Options Game

Do they prefer a particular type of flower or a box of chocolates on a date?
Do they prefer a date that ends with coffee or a nightcap?
Do they seek a long-term monogamous commitment or friends with benefits?
Do they like pets or plants?
Do they prefer online shopping or shopping in the malls?
Would they prefer a tranquil evening or an action-packed night on the second date?
Would they rather watch sport on the TV or go and play it in real life?
Are they the indoor or outdoor kind?
Are they handy with tools or appliances?
Do they prefer to gamble or save money?

Game For Deeper Insight Still

How much money is enough for one person to have in life before it is too much money?
Do they do their own tax or have an accountant?
Are they punctual or habitually running late?
What is their arguing style?

Do they walk away, stay and fight, kiss and make up, scared of conflict, so they submit easily, even at the cost of their own happiness?

Do they drive with a lead foot or helium slipper?
Are they for or against corporal and capital punishment?
Would they consider themselves a strict authoritarian or relaxed go-with-the-flow personality type?
What personality type would they define their alter ego as?
Do they know what their Myers-Briggs test score is?
Have they ever taken a personality test for fun or as a vocational demand?

Break The Ice with Super Engaging Speed Dating Questions

What has been the best/worst thing that happened to you in the last decade?
What did you want to be when you were six?
What is the best gift you’ve ever received?
What would you spend your last vacation day doing?
How did you meet your best friend?
What accomplishments are you most proud of achieving in adulthood?
What is the one physical attribute you love about yourself?
Which country or place would you never want to visit?
What is that one mistake you never want to repeat in life?
What is the best piece of advice anyone has ever given you?
What is the one piece of advice you would give to a stranger
What have you learned not to do by watching others’ mistakes?

Quick Questions

Can you describe yourself in a single word?
How would your friends describe you in three words?
What genetic feature would you want to pass on to your heirs?
What makes you stand apart from others?
Why do you think you are single?
What do you think is the first impression you give to people?
What colour crayon would you be?
Which quality of yours makes you unique?
Do you prefer to stop and sightsee along the way or get directly to the destination?
What is that thing you always wanted to learn but never had time for?
How old were you when you got your driver’s licence?
How many times did you attempt the test before you got your driver’s licence?
Can you reverse park a car manually?
Can you drive a manual vehicle?
Do you have any licences other than for a motor vehicle?
What zodiac sign are you, and which would you rather be?

Things You Should Never Discuss On A Speed Date

Politics
Debating Religion
Abortion /Pro-life
Your fiscal value and asset worth
Past relationships
Weight or cosmetic issues
Marriage and kids
Personal information like pets’ names, relatives’ names, and precise date of birth.
Where you live.

How To Politely Shut Down An Unwanted Or Inappropriate Speed dating Questions

That topic is not open to discussion.
That was entirely inappropriate. Please refrain from asking offensive/ personal/ invasive/ uncomfortable questions going forward.
That question does not fall within the information boundaries I have established. Please respect my boundaries.
Thank you for the question. Then ask them the same question straight back without providing an answer and watch their response.

If they point out that you didn’t answer their speed dating questions, ask them directly why they are being so evasive in not answering their own question. Do not answer their question for any reason, and watch their demeanour. Controlling personality types will quickly become angry, accusatory, and sulky. This is a major red flag!

In conclusion, speed dating can be a fun way to meet all kinds of people and build a network. Speed dating does not have to end in a date. If nothing else, it gives you something to do that kills time between sleeping and dying. You will meet and interact with all the personality types and discover things about yourself you would not otherwise have discovered. So, take the chance and give it a shot. Even if you only do it once, at least you can say that you checked it off the list, and you can guarantee you will have some stories to tell about your experience on your next date!