How To Follow Up After A Date Or Introduction
The first rule of dating, if not life, must be this one: If you don’t ask, you don’t get.
Plucking up the courage to put yourself out there for potential rejection is the only way you are going to meet people. In being bold and putting yourself out there, a miracle occurred, and against the normal conventions, you met an amazing person you want to better get to know. It might have been on a night out, at a sporting event, or in the supermarket; wherever it was, you crossed paths, you had lively conservation, and your interest was piqued.
Perhaps you met undertaking a mutual hobby or activity that means you get to have repeat encounters with them and grow the friendship gradually over time, or maybe it was a one-time meeting, and you think the feeling was mutual. Don’t be afraid to ask them for their email address or mobile phone number so you can contact them and follow up on your lucky meeting. Lobby the idea of grabbing a casual, no-pressure coffee, or if you are more adventurous, a light, informal fish and chips on the beach, or a doner kebab in the park that will allow you both to continue the conversation.
What Are the Chances!
Dating coaches and gurus suggest where you have the person’s number or social media details that within one hour of your meeting, you send the other person a quick text or note saying that it was a stroke of good fortune your paths crossed and thanking them for the interesting conversation and leaving a smile on your face.
If the other person is interested, they will generally reply with a response fairly quickly. Don’t panic if they don’t get back to you before 10 am the following day as they may be caught up with life, or career, or possibly had their phone stolen or misplaced. Often, first dates can be prone to some of the most random and unexplainable events/disasters that defy belief yet are the truth. However, if they have not returned your text/ message within 24 hours, they are showing you they have no intention of making you a priority in their lives.
Regrettably, in some instances, a reg flag to avoid the person is someone who waits days or even weeks to reach out. This is not someone interested in a genuine connection but a casual hook-up, and honestly, if your self-esteem is that low, you are waiting with bated breath for them to respond; you need to seek counselling and work on your deeply embedded psyche issues. You deserve and can attract a far better, more suitable partner for yourself.
If you met at an organised dating event like speed dating, to protect the privacy of their clients and prevent unwanted attention, the dating host will have a system in place that allows them to forward the contact details of two people who mutually requested each other’s contact information and want to further their conversations. That information may take up to 48 hours to be sent to you after the event as they work through their guest list making the matches.
Follow Up After A Date The Next Day
If you received your reply to the first contact message, then the next morning, you should send a follow-up text message or note asking them how the rest of their night/ event/ day played out. You can tie in the discussion from the previous day here, i.e., ‘How did your friend’s stag party conclude, or ‘how was your day at the beach? Did you get sunburnt?’ ‘Did you get all your grocery items or forget the one thing you went shopping for,’ etc.
The other person might choose to take the initiative and instigate deeper conversation there and then. They might be the first to follow up on the original message the next day. If this happens, that is a great sign that they are actively interested in getting to know you. They may even suggest a plan to meet up or ask if you would be interested in seeing each other again. If that is the case, go with the flow, keeping things light and casual. Don’t go planning your wedding or writing their surname after yours.
If you got a social media account rather than a phone number, continue the exchange you initially struck up or discuss the small talk and your plans for the week. After a dozen exchanges, ask them for their phone number and if they would like to communicate via text message or phone call. Not everyone likes to talk on the phone for longer than ten minutes, so keep your calls short in the beginning and let them dictate how long they wish to spend on the phone.
Texting allows a lot of the polite social small talk that person-to-person phone calls require to ease into a conversation to be avoided and often gets to the heart of a subject faster and with less chance of misunderstanding. However, text and emails are a two-dimensional form of communication, and words can be misleading, misunderstood, or taken out of the context intended if you, or they, project any fears or issues onto the other person and make them guilty of a behaviour that is yours/theirs you/they are not owning and fixing.
Sometimes simple questions can have an unintended double entendre or, conversely, an intended one that the person receiving the message did not pick up on.
Follow Up After A date By Planning The First Date Carefully
If you are communicating via text message, after they reply to your initial text, assuming it is a positive response, it is recommended that you cut to the chase and make plans to meet again. It’s essential to do this so the person you are pursuing knows that you are actively interested in them, confident, assertive, and willing to take the initiative.
Some men with a stronger alpha personality may not take a woman making the first moves well as it emasculates them, and they require ‘control’ over the relationship. A relationship with a person who is emasculated by a confident and assertive woman is not a healthy relationship to enter and will not produce long-term results.
The first date is crucial to making the right impression and having both parties as comfortable as possible. This is often where mistakes happen, and people go too hard too fast.
First dates should never be in a fancy restaurant with someone you have never met or only met once. First dates should be light, carefree, and relaxed. The most extravagant meal for a first date would be sharing a sushi experience. Somewhere like ‘sushi train’ allows both parties to pick and choose, potentially sharing their food choices as they whizz around the room. This kind of date allows for the natural exploration of conversation around food, cooking skills, travel destinations, and chopstick-using ability and gives you other patrons to use as props where the conversation is needed.
One of the games I like to play when people watching or out on the town is to select a person and discuss with your date what you think they do, what career they have, what kind of car they drive etc. I have met plenty of strangers and had some truly enlightening conversations by going up to the people and asking them if they could solve the puzzle. Once you explain why you are asking them somewhat personal questions, most people think it is a good ice breaker and conversation starter and are happy to answer your questions and, shock horror, even exchange numbers with you!
It is strongly encouraged you set aside a specific date, time, and place to meet in the coming days. Nowadays, most women prefer to drive themselves or get an uber/taxi to a location to avoid the old, ‘put out or get out’ routine that leaves them stranded after a date should it not go well.
Once the date is set, keep the text exchange to a minimum or at their dictated pace. Send a text or note the night before to confirm plans for the following day. If the other person suggests an alternative date, time, or place, go with their suggestion, as you want them to be comfortable on the date. If your dates do not line up and finding time to meet in person is not happening, take it as a sign from the universe the person is probably not the one for you or that the time is not quite right. You can be honest about it and say the timing seems to be out for us. What’s say we give it a month and then catch up and see if our schedules open up down the track?
Virtual Dating Via Skype/ Zoom/ Facetime
Who knows what horror stories their dating history holds; the other person may not feel comfortable meeting in person for some time and prefers to get to know someone via messages for several weeks or months before they agree to meet them in person for a date.
While it may frustrate you to no end, it takes two people to make a healthy relationship work. Some people have higher standards and expect more of others than you do. By taking their time to unearth a person via messages, they can assess the situation and better study it for honesty and integrity.
Everyone must do what is best for them and the safety and well-being of family, friends, and the general public. With government-enforced martial laws surrounding the Covid-19 situation, it became necessary for an alternative way to meet people while staying at home. Enter the world of virtual dating via social media platforms like Facebook, Zoom, and Skype.
While the restrictions have been sent packing back where they belong, planning a virtual video date at a time convenient for you both can be the solution to having that face-to-face time while not sharing the same physical location. You could even order in advance to have the same food delivered and have virtual dinner together while sipping on the same wine and finishing with the same coffee blend and dessert planned in advance via messages. This will be a fun discussion point and help the conversation flow smoothly between you organically as you learn what food you both like and do or don’t eat, what wine styles you prefer, and if you are a decadent creamy dessert person or cheese board kind of guy/gal.
This can also remove the stigma around who pays the bill on the first date, as you both pay your own way. It then opens the door for a second date in which you have their preferences tucked away. That information will enable you to make successful second dates that hit the right note and lead to third and subsequent dates, possibly into a harmonious, long-term relationship and marriage if that is your end goal.
Avoid stereotypes and always opt for originality. A great date is one that is recalled decades after it happened. Just because you might not end up with that person doesn’t mean you should settle for an average, everyone does it, generic first date! They will always remember you as having been the best date they were ever blessed to undertake and be the ultimate benchmark for all to follow. No one’s light shines brighter than when they are a regret a past person comes to realise was the one they foolishly let go.
Follow Up After A Date With A Thank You Card
By this stage, you should have moved past the awkward stage, and you likely have established a fantastic rapport. Send them either a physical thank you card via snail mail if you have their address or a virtual thank you card from an online card company like ‘moonpig’ if you have their email address as a way of showing them you had a fantastic time and loved sharing their company and would like to do it again sooner rather than later.
While snail mail may take a few days to get to them, the surprise they get opening the mailbox to see the handwritten thank you card will knock their socks off and leave them hungry for a second date. You can send them a little tease or hint that something is making its way to their door, but they have to wait for it to be delivered, where you feel a three-day or longer break is too long to pass before thanking them for sharing their time and stories with you. No one likes to be left high and dry without an explanation.
Follow Up After A Date With Another Date
Assuming your first date was a success, or if it was an absolute disaster but you are both still laughing about the odds of the waiter tripping and sending the next table of four’s gazpacho order all over your $500 outfit, ruining it, and your planned date for the night, follow it up by quickly locking in a second date.
All the planning in the world cannot get around chaos having a field day at your expense. If it helps you any, some of the strongest, longest-lasting relationships had the worst possible first dates and made all the wrong first impressions. Thankfully, second dates allow people the chance at redemption and making things right. So be open to a redemption date if your first one went pear-shaped.
Paranoia Is Awareness And Cautious Safety Beats Being A Victim
Sometimes the universe has bigger, better, or different plans than you have for yourself. While you might be totes into the ‘love of your life’ or the one that could be, the universe might decide to step in and take proactive action on your behalf. Never assume that because a date stood you up, left you hanging, or flat-out rejected you that it was something you did wrong.
Dating can be a minefield, and an element of danger is attached to meeting strangers. With the rise of the ‘roofie’ epidemic and other date rape drugs, it pays to be cautious and practice self-safety when on a date.
If you feel a certain way, there is a good reason for that feeling, so listen to your gut instincts. Drink spiking only takes a second and some well-practised sleight of hand. Even people you trust can turn to the dark side to get what they want if you aren’t moving at the pace or in the direction they want you to be travelling. If you feel any symptoms of being under the effects of a date rape drug, call 000 immediately and stay put. Alert the staff if you are in a bar, restaurant, or club and have them separate you from the person and place you in a private area until the police and ambulance can attend to you.
Never look at a failed date or being stood up as a disaster. Instead, be grateful for the universal protection that comes from not knowing why something didn’t pan out as you had hoped. There is an endless list of men and women the globe over who were spared becoming the next victim of serial killers or prolific rapists when the universe stepped in and prevented the date from taking place.
Lastly, regardless of your gender, always remember that it is only a date! You are not in a relationship with the person. You should not be making long-range plans for any reason. You are free to undertake as many dates as you like, and you, or they, are free to take the number of other people interested in them should it happen to pass while you are on a date with them.
The social protocol is to get their number or email address and then get back to them after you have finished your current date. No two journeys will be the same. Some people may date 200 people and never find the right one. Others may date two people and find their life partner. Most people date at least ten other people before they enter a relationship, and most of those relationships are toxic. Even before they begin, the writing is on the wall for the dead-end headed their way.
Dating is a fun way to kill time between living and dying. If you view each date in that light, without adding unwanted pressure or assuming they are your only choice and you have to leap on them even if they are all wrong for you, you can meet a lot of interesting people and have a life filled with fun experiences that make you a super interesting date for the people you choose to engage in conversation.
There is a lid for every pot, even the warped ones. If you haven’t yet found yours, keep looking, dating, and having fun. Life is short, and there is no need to be lonely. Lonely is a state of being and a place you keep yourself out of fear. Get out there, face your fears, and maybe you will find the love of your life or the one who will be before the year is done and dusted!