Dating Red Flags To Avoid

Dating red flags are the warning signs to look for that signal the propensity for someone to behave or carry unwanted characteristics that prevent them from entering into and maintaining a healthy relationship.

No one with destructive issues can hide it for long, especially from people they are closely aligned or intimate with. There are always indicators of what resides below the surface, and everyone should know what they are when it comes to relationships.

With domestic violence on the rise, there is no excuse for not seeing the dating red flags sign before getting in too deep and finding out the hard way. If you don’t know what dating red flags to be on hyper-alert for in the dating stages, then keep reading. As dramatic as it sounds, this article might save your life and prevent you from making a costly mistake!

Have All The Good Ones Been Taken

The modern-day dating scene could debatably be called a battlefield between the sexes. To improve your chances of finding and staying in a successful relationship, and to save time, energy, money, and the unwanted emotional roller coasters, identifying dating red flags in their infancy is a vital skill and navigation tool for men and women alike.

It is not that all the good ones have been taken per se. We now have lower standards and far more freedoms than ever. Women are sold the lie that they are now sexually powerful if they are willing to strip bare and engage in amateur acts of pornography aimed at teenage girls under the guise of sexual liberation that is nothing more than sexual exploitation of the naïve with life-long consequences they are to young to foresee or be warned about.

It is also important to stress that Domestic Abuse is not the sole domain of males. Plenty of women violently abuse their male partners, and most of the time, that abuse is never reported or spoken about out of a fear of ridicule from other men, or disbelief that a woman who is five-foot tall and a waif could beat up a six-foot-five, line-backer. Anyone can beat up another person if they don’t fight back or defend themselves. In relationships where the female is the aggressor, the male was raised correctly to understand that you never lay a harmful finger on a lady for any reason. And let’s be clear here, a lady would not be violently assaulting her partner without it being an act of self-defence.

Back in the day, when the gender roles were far more restrictive, and behaviours that were not conformist were quickly seen to and eliminated, there were not too many women taking violent action against their male counterparts. These days, all bets are off. If you can throw a punch, you can take one; if you can’t, you shouldn’t be throwing punches in the first place, regardless of which gender you are.

Nobody has the right to hit, harm, or cause physical pain to another person for any reason other than in self-defence.

What Is A Dating Red Flag

Dating red flags are a sign or series of signs that indicate someone is not relationship material or relationship material suitable for you. Not all red flags are textbook in appearance or application. Some are incredibly toxic and could lead to a fatality, while others are less life-threatening and could lead to heartbreak and unnecessary regrets.

Obvious Dating Red Flags To Avoid From The Get-Go

Dating red flags stem from a corruption, trauma, or some form of prior emotional, physical, sexual, or psychological damage. In severe cases, all of the above leave the offender a ticking timebomb waiting to detonate. The earliest warning signs to avoid the moment you see them crop up look like the following:

The Narcissist: Talking non-stop about themselves on a first date clearly shows a narcissistic personality. Narcissists put themselves and their needs above all others and tend to have an accompanying sociopathic disorder.

Drug Addicts & Alcoholics: Binge drinking and consuming large quantities of hard liquor or beer in a short period or on a daily basis is a surefire indicator of an addiction to alcohol. Drug addict indicators like constantly being high, pupil size and slurred or raced speech, smelling of marijuana or constantly scratching at their skin and needle marks are clear warning signs to avoid the person like the plague. Constantly being underweight despite eating high-calorie foods can signify amphetamine addiction and use.

Gambling: Asking you for money can indicate serious financial problems due to a hidden gambling addiction. Having items mysteriously go ‘missing’ from your home can indicate theft to sell your goods for money to support their gambling addiction.

Sexual Promiscuity: Openly checking out or flirting with others while with you can signify sexual promiscuity and possibly an addiction to sex or porn or both. Player types like this are not commitment material and are usually commitment-phobic. They will often love-bomb and then ghost you, cheat with others and then convince you they are sorry and won’t do it again and then repeat the vicious cycle until you choose the end the cycle, or better yet, never take the ride!

Rage Issues: Any angry outburst that emerges suddenly for no genuine reason, like road rage behind the wheel or their football team missing an easy goal, can be correlated to escalating physical abuse transferred onto you down the road if you stick around to take this ride.

If you see any of the above types of dating red flags, my advice is to RUN-Forest-RUN! Change your number and relocate without leaving a forwarding address if they know where you live! You cannot change, fix, or help these people. Only they can choose that for themselves, and they are too self-involved and selfish to want to change as they cannot see their behaviour is adverse and destructive to themselves and others. You pointing out their obvious flaws does not provide a magic solution and cure-all. It typically makes the situation worse for you, not them.

Common Dating Red Flags

While both sexes are equally capable of being horrible people who give their gender a bad rap, it is statistically men who do the predominant amount of cheating in a relationship and often simply for the thrill of seeing if they get caught or get away with it. The person they cheated with meant nothing to them and was little more than a mind game to appease their ego.

When you start dating a new person, you need to assess how that person who is new to your life treats you in the early stages. There are certain behaviours and indicators that reveal someone is more interested in a hook-up or friends-with-benefits set-up than a committed relationship. Set your own tone and asses any dating red flags that you would not want to encounter.

If your new person fails to make plans in advance but rings spontaneously and suggests a get-together within the next couple of hours, texts you late at night when a partner might reasonably be sleeping in another room, ghosts you between ‘dates’, initiates a conversation that focuses on sex and avoids personal topics or meaningful conversation, harasses you for sexy or naked pics and pushes for sex soon after meeting, you are dealing with at worst a player or cheating partner, and at best a confirmed commitment phobic.

Like most people, you will probably make the mistake of believing you are the one who can change them and make them better, make them love you, and make them stay. In reality, your ego has decided to ignore the clear warning signs and drive headfirst at full speed into the oncoming train wreck that will be the fate you choose for yourself of your own free will. Your future trainwreck has not yet left the station, so do yourself a massive favour and don’t board the train if any of the above signs leap out at you. There is always another train on the track and likely a far more suitable one with all the desirable features and none of the undesirable baggage issues.

One of the easiest ways to determine the legitimacy and worth of any new person in your life is to look at their communication or lack thereof. People who genuinely want to get to know you will find and make time for you in their busy lives and schedules because they want to make you a priority. Your conversations will be filled with various topics with no sexual overtones, and there won’t be any no-go areas or topics off the list for open discussion. If there is, say, for example, a bad divorce with children, the person might say that the topic is not up for discussion presently until they better get to know you and work out if you will be with them in the future and be willing to deal with whatever crazy their ex or yours has going on that makes life difficult.

If they frequently ignore your text messages and never take or promptly return your calls, it is a sign that they are not seeking a genuine relationship. If they take a long time to reply, that, too, is a bad sign. Do they only call you from their car, cut the conversation suddenly as soon as they get home, or only talk to you in a soft voice, there is never any background voices or noise like they are intentionally hiding in a closet or private space so they cannot be interrupted unless they are ‘sprung’ by someone.

Do they never take your preferences or schedule into account when making a date to meet face-to-face? Do they expect you to constantly accommodate them and their schedule and expect you to just ‘fit in’ when they have time for you? Are you restricted from contacting them, or do you only have one contact source point? Do they disrespect you and your feelings? Do they always have an excuse for their behaviour when you point out the obvious? Is the first word you would use to describe them selfish?

If your gut instinct tells you that you are not a priority in their life, and their actions back up that suspicion, why are you still giving them the time of day they don’t have to spare you? Where is your self-respect? You cannot expect another person to treat you any way but the way you allow them to treat you. If you choose to be treated badly, that directly reflects where you need some time with a professional to work on your trauma and baggage issues. Let them go and be a toxic poison in some other sucker’s life. They will not miss you because they never cared for you in the first place, and you already know that; you don’t want to accept the inconvenient truth because it isn’t the fantasy you want to make a reality.

Actions And Words Are Verbs And Nouns

The adage that actions speak louder than words is the blunt truth. Actions are a verb, and a verb is a doing word. People who do what they say they will and make good on their promises will use actions to prove their integrity and honesty. Words are a noun, and a noun is a naming word. People who say they will do something and promise the stars but never once deliver are showing their true lack of moral fibre, ethics, and honesty. Why are you investing a single moment of time you can never get back on a loser who is only using you for as long as you allow them to use you? This types of behaviour are massive dating red flags!

The most effective way to determine someone’s genuine intentions from the get-go is to match their actions to their words. Do not listen to or believe what someone says if their actions don’t back up the flow of words exiting their mouth. Get an unbiased third-party opinion if you struggle to see people objectively or lack the confidence to determine whether someone is relationship-ready or really into you.

If you are having one of those ‘not real but I swear it is real’ internet relationships with someone you have never set eyes on but are ‘in love with’, share screenshots of your conversations and their photos with friends and do a reverse image search to see where that photo might have been uploaded and by whom.

Catfishing is a big and lucrative business for those who lack morals and a conscience and can spot a soft touch a mile away! If your parents are still alive, ask them for their opinion. You may not like the truth they tell you, but they will tell you the truth because they love you and want the best for you. Other people can see the obvious signs and pick up on things that you might choose to overlook or ignore. You are in the situation and might have blind spots or rose-coloured glasses firmly fixed in place.

As any relationship progresses, looking for dating red flags becomes more important. This is where you may be overly romanticising the situation and be blinded to their actions as you both relax your guards and allow your true selves to emerge. Ask yourself at regular intervals, has their behaviour towards me changed for the worse, are they respectful or disrespectful, do their actions and words still match up or has the scale started to slide into the negative zone? Are they ready for, and do they want a long-term commitment with you? Better yet, do you really want a long-term commitment with them? Do you see yourself beside them a decade from now?

If someone talks about their Ex too much or speaks badly and in derogatory terms about past relationships and people in their life, it is a massive dating red flag! How they speak about others is the same way they will speak about you to other people behind your back.

If someone is holding on to bitterness and trauma inflicted on them from the past, it is only a matter of time before they take it out on you and project their trauma onto you as the cause. Instead of owning their trauma and damage, they will blame you for everything that goes wrong and causing problems where there aren’t any to be had so far as they are concerned. So long as the system works for them, they don’t see your problem with the situation or why it is a problem.

Do they fail to introduce you to their friends and family within three months of meeting? People who want you in their lives seek for you to like and gel with their family and friends. They desire to combine you all in an equal homogenous batter they can share their time and love across without petty jealousy or drama. Failure to do this by your date buddy indicates they do not see you in their future, or they feel shame and don’t want anyone to know about you. This is a classic sign of commitment-phobia if single and an already married dating partner engaging you in a third-party affair for their selfish consumption, and to hell with everyone they will hurt when the affair comes to light.

Other Dating Red Flags To Consider

Do they make false or empty promises?
Do they fail to call you by your name on the phone, using other words to address you that does not identify you to anyone listening or hearing their end of the conversation?
Are they at their most talkative between 10 pm and 2 am?
Do they prefer to text over talking in person?
Are their replies consistently short or monosyllabic in nature?
Is your ability to contact them heavily restricted and confined to only one source or contact point?
Do you know anything about their friends, family, or work colleagues?
Are they short-tempered and abusive to waitstaff or people in general?
Are they obsessed with martial arts, weapons, BDSM or role-playing games?
Do they make plans and then routinely cancel them shortly before the allotted time with feeble excuses you can easily see through?
Do they speak down to you or talk to you like you are simple and call you stupid?
Do they withdraw and shut down whenever you want to talk about feelings or where the relationship is headed?
Do they always have to have the last word and be in control at all times?
Do they try telling you what you can wear, who you can see, where you can go, and restrict access to your friends whom they hate and work to eliminate from your life one after the other until your support system has been removed and they are the only person in your life?
Do they use emotional blackmail and threaten to harm you, themselves, or others if you ever leave them?
Do they stalk you or track your movements and that of your friends, turn up where you are, and call it a massive coincidence?
Have they worked their way into your friend group but kept you excluded from theirs?

If you openly keep a lookout for these common dating red flags regularly and call time at the first sign of two or more present in unison, you will save yourself a ton of heartache and future police involvement and be on the right path to finding the ideal match and a healthy long-term partner for you.

Ladies: if they look like a prince, act like an ass, and speak like a Neanderthal: Avoid them at all cost!

Men: If she looks like a penthouse pin-up, asks for money, and sends you naked pics: It’s a catfish, a scam or a bored fat trucker looking to amuse himself at your expense!

Lastly, no matter who you are, how fat or thin you are, how handsome or ugly, what age you are, or how many kids you have, someone out there will tap you with enough alcohol in their system. You don’t want that person in your life! You want the person who can see, accept and work with all of your flaws and facets and understands and openly admits that they too have flaws and facets you will need to accept and work with if you are both to achieve harmony, honesty and longevity in your partnership.

The good ones are still out there, but they aren’t going to be found in nightclubs, bars and on porn sites. They are busy having high standards and working on making themselves the best version of themselves, so why aren’t you doing the same? Go on, go. Work on yourself and be the best you possible, then you will find the right person for you, and when the right one does come along, there is no such thing as a prince or princess charming. If it is genuine true love, your first meeting will likely be a disaster and when you are least ready or want it to arrive in your life! Good luck with that!